Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Mouse the Broken Girl

I'm not gonna lie. I've been kinda unsure about the idea of keeping a blog about all my medical conundrums. I never really felt like it was anybody's business as to what kind of random nonsense was going on inside my body. Plus I was always too lazy to start said blog. I suppose I am still too lazy to write a blog, but since I really have nothing better to do, I might as well start a blog. (And yes, Jacob. I did steal the idea of writing a blog from you. There. I admit it.)

My name is Mouse and I'm a Psychology/Biology/Pre-Med major at Clark University. (And in case Jarrad, my boss at Clark University Admissions  reads this: Clark University is a very good school and you should go there.) I hope to become a neurologist and I will become the recipient of at least 12 Nobel Prize awards. According to Google, I have the same IQ as Stephen Hawking, but I find that highly improbable since Stephen Hawking never actually took an IQ test (also according to Google). This past Fall was supposed to be the beginning of my second year of college. Instead, it was the beginning of a semester that would never be completed. I was placed on a Medical Leave of Absence last month and was forced to put my dream of becoming a Neurologist on hold for another year. Don't worry, though. I do plan to go back for the Fall 2013 semester and while I am on leave, I plan to take a couple of classes at a local community college so I don't get too far behind.

You might be wondering why I was placed on medical leave. To tell you the truth, we don't really know why either. Besides the two diagnoses of Endometriosis and Fibromyalgia, we don't really know what's going on. I am in constant pain- more pain than most patients afflicted with Endometriosis or Fibromyalgia are ever treated for and I am constantly showing new symptoms, like tachycardia and a random skin rash that kinda just shows up whenever it feels like it. In short, I'm a clusterfuck. For nearly 4 years, my doctors raised their hands in defeat after test after test came back negative, and no signs of improvement came about. I have never been so frustrated in my life. You'd think that knowing you didn't have cancer, Acute Intermittent Porphyria, or Lupus would be enough, but the very fact that I am still in chronic pain all the time with no answer is getting a bit annoying. At least, if we knew that I had Porphyria, for instance, I'd be able to prepare myself for the madness and paralysis that would soon follow. Instead, I play guessing games. When I was arriving back on campus this past August, I thought the pain would be somewhat manageable. I thought I'd be able to handle my tougher-than-average course load. I thought I'd be active in musical theatre, as I had been since I was 4 years old.

But, things don't always work out the way we planned.

I hope this blog becomes more than just a 19-year-old girl complaining about her life on the internet (although, be warned. I do complain a lot!). I hope that by following my journey to a better diagnosis, other frustrated patients can know that they are not the only ones suffering or wondering why their tests never show the answers they were hoping for. All-in-all, this blog is for me as a way to vent about some of the idiots in the medical industry, so shut up and have a terrific day.

<3 Mouse

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